Saturday, October 31, 2009

Thank you for holding an umbrella in my storm

Most days I am full of enthusiasm for the day, expectation for the future and my favorite, reflection on the past. Most days I can see the light at the end of a short tunnel and am confident it is there, even if this current tunnel is long. Most nights I lay my head on the pillow, even when I'm alone, feeling exhausted from the full day, but content, falling asleep as my mind whispers thanks to my God. Most mornings I wake up knowing that my desires for the day will be frustrated by so many "have tos" that I must adjust my "get tos" and "want tos". I wish it were the other way around. Most days I look forward to the quiet time I spend either in my Bible study or reading a good book or with Dell. Most days, anyway.

Today,though, and yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that...are not most days. Today I don't want to wake up. Today I can't see the tunnel, I am swallowed up by it, and there is no light. Today, I will not get to my "have tos" and I have no "want tos". I have the house to myself but I need the quiet to drown out the noise. My Bible, full of comfort sits within arms reach and yet I can't reach it, or hear it, don't know it. Today I can't remember the past, and I don't want tomorrow.

My umbrella holder is gone for two mornings, two days, two nights and all the time in between. The storm rages and I am soaked...whatever else falls on me is likely to run right off because there is afterall, a saturation point with all things. I just want to go home except, I am there. I just want everything like it was, except that it isn't. I just want to get up from a heap on the floor, except I am up.

Umbrella holder, I miss you. I know you can't make it stop, but you are mighty strong in keeping me upright and covered from the worst. Umbrella holder, I miss you. You are mighty good at holding the towel over my heart trying to protect it. Umbrella holder, I miss you. You are mighty, perfectly, wonderfully good at looking in my eyes and speaking hope to me and helping put the truth back when it gets washed out of place in the torrent. I just miss you.

Monday, October 26, 2009

I don't know about anybody else but...

I don't know about anybody else. I know that in my vision, one face stands out, one heart sits quietly at a deep level of peace, but layered with an unsettled discontent because she wants to do so much for her God.

I don't know about anybody else, but in my vision I see someone so able and willing to love another without hesitation, yet unsure if anybody outside of the obligated few, love her because they know her, or just because she is a sister. One face wonders if surviving blow after social blow from the enemy is about learning to endure loneliness especially when orchestrated by another, or if there is perhaps a flaw inside that is so big it truly repels the embrace of the others.

I don't know about anybody else, but in my vision I see a heart big enough to walk from here to there with anyone else that is available, not standing to wait for a chosen one for accompaniment.

From where I sit, this heart reflects a fullness of the Spirit that will burst without release, while simultaneously breaking with the injustice or tragedy upon another.

I don't know about anybody else, but I see tenderness and true humility, choosing God even when he is calling for discomfort, rejected and turning to love again, immediately.

I don't know about anybody else, but from where I stand, 40 or 400 or 4000 women in the room does not mask, confuse or reduce the glow that makes this woman shine for her savior. It is not a microphone, committee position or charisma that makes her presence memorable. She could not hide herself from view if she wanted to.

You see she is her Savior's daughter, so connected to the vine, sticking so close, when you look her direction, it is difficult to see where her father ends and she begins. Where others have ventured out for a little sunshine of their own, she is content in the shade of his stature, bearing fruit according to his every instruction.

"Be not deceived...", "Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.."

I don't know about anybody else...but I have witnessed some shining. The noonday sun does nothing differently from what it did at midnight, it is consistant in its heat and light day after day after day. position in relationship to some holy shining has left me humbled and changed.

I don't know about anybody else...but I have been blessed and challenged to live the same, love the same and grab hold a little tighter to the One who has pressed such an image into my heart and friend into my life.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Yes huh I did

Ok...time is short, but I have the most fun post if you are into taking something used, a little dirty and flufflessly weak and turning it into something beautius. I bought a sofa that I thought had potential. Winter white it was when I spotted it and made an offer and hurriedly paid for it before I actually uncovered it from all the bedding, draperies, misc shower curtains etc... usually found at a garage sale. I was so excited to find something that might actually look like exactly what I want that I forgot to figure in the "been used" in someone's else's place and probably has some wear and tear. Anyway I bought it anyway...yes huh I did.

Dot has definately found the ultimate in cleaning solutions for carpet and upholstery...Amonia...with water and amazing. So I set about on the spots, which after it dried is so much cleaner than the rest, that I will have to go back and equally clean all surfaces so that the color is uniform. Thankfully just before and not just after, Mooch found some fun mud in the back yard and this particular blend of wet dirt must also be the main ingrediant in the drink, Rock Star. He was so crazy with excitement that he ran into the house, all through the house, up on the new old sofa, around on the off -white carpet, through the tile kitchen etc...Yes huh he did.

So after the cleaning, I ripped open the cushions and added stuffing from throw pillows I have been storing in case I ever put that comforter I am also storing from 1987 back on a bed and need just the right throw pillows to compliment it. Don't be silly, of course I felt a rush using those old pillows for something and wanted to tell my "throw everything away" husband...see I knew I would use them again!

Then I pulled out all the fabrics that I bought 1 and 2 yards of because I just couldn't decide which was my favorite and started covering the smaller pillows. I was taken over by some sort of pillow spirit that just kept me crankin' and I am so dang happy with how it turned out.

Pillow #1...I embroidered these guys on the front and back because I have that fancy embroidery machine, yes huh I did.

Pillow #2...I removed the original fringe from the pillow and used it inside out...or bottom side up or something...because I love the loops...but enough fringe already. yes huh I did.

Pillow #3...plain old regular square pillow in pretty green fabric.

Pillow #4...yes that is contrast piping I made myself, using fabric that matches another of the pillows, yes huh I did. Vwaaaa Laaaaa...PB it's not, but how fun was that!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Perhaps for this day...

Perhaps it was for this day....that you were such a girly girl, playing with headbands and barretts and dress up shoes

Perhaps it was for this let your rebellion be known in a Spanish class, telling us you weren't planning on college anyway

Perhaps it was for this have always been drawn to small suffering bald headed children

Perhaps it was for this had to deal with people's raised eyebrows when you chose going to beauty school instead of college

Perhaps it was for this drove 3 hours every day to Santa Monica to cosmetology school

Perhaps is was for this met a young man who took you to a church called Reality where you would meet this child

Perhaps it was for this unexpectedly became a young family drawing you into relationship with these other young families, one who had this child

Perhaps it was for this day...that your own pain has tendered your heart into one so sensitive to His leading

Perhaps it is for this have been serve another....with courage and serve this child

Perhaps on this day, all that has come before, makes some sense and brings worth and hints of a higher plan by a Higher Planner, for this child.

Perhaps for this day...

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Plagerized from Craig's list...

Because you've got to give credit to creativity wherever you find it!

"A regular box of popsicles includes cherry, (my favorite), grape (it'll do) and orange. I don't like the orange ones. I'm a grown-up and I don't have to eat them if I don't want to. On the other hand I can't bring myself to throw them away and I don't have children or grandchildren living in the area to give them to (assuming that they would like them). I currently have 25 orange popsicles in my rather small freezer.

If you want them let me know. If you are paranoid about them, you probably shouldn't be on Craigslist in the first place, but keep in mind that they are all "factory sealed" and whoever takes them probably isn't going to end up on the 6:00 news due to being poisoned by orange popsicles.

(My favorite line)Rest assured, someone is going to want these popsicles, so you probably better hurry. If you really like them maybe we could develop an ongoing "Popsicle to Recipient" relationship whereby I sent you an E-mail whenever the freezer overfloweth and you make another pick-up.

Keep in mind that a box of popsicles costs about $2.50 (new lower price whereby the store tries to create good will, while still making a pretty good profit!) and you are only getting 1/3 of a box...or in this case, 1/3 of several boxes. The point is I don't think you should consider driving from Simi for the orange popsicles. But if you do and are first, I will give them to you.

Q. Are they sugar-free?
A. Do I SOUND like someone who buys sugar free popsicles? No they aren't.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Alphabet Scoop

So just know before you start this one, I am on my soap box. I can't help it, it was one of those days. Days where I had the television on while I worked and heard the news and top stories rebroadcast at 8, 11 & noon. The same headlines and the same steam coming out my ears and the same call towards heaven to rightside up our upside down world.

David, David, David. Letterman. King of late night talk. And I'm just saying..."talk" is apparently not all he's been doing in the kingdom with the subjects that help him earn the ridiculous salary he enjoys, which, as it turns out, it not all he enjoys.
Here's the truth Dave, its just a title, "King", just a phrase, just a moment of favor with the late night public. No special rules, no exemptions.

News feed otherwise knows as spin: "David Letterman target of extortion plot, admits affairs with staff and helps authorities arrest the real bad guy, who is now in jail, thanks to the cooperation of the king." My're welcome.

Selfish and repulsive. Betraying his girlfriend-turned wife with the girls at the office and what strikes me as outrageous is that another man is behind bars facing a long sentence for his misconduct, while Mr. Alphabet is cruising along, probably increasing his viewership.

So I spent the day trying to figure out why and when extortion became a crime. Now, I don't mean it's right by any means. But it sounds to me like this was a guy offering a contract, an agreement, to someone with a few skeletons in the closet. A business deal.

I will sell the rights "to tell your secret" back to you for $2,000,000.

Sounds like an incredible sum, but all good negotiators start high and leave room for compromise and for heaven's sake, how much is the King worth? (I don't even know, you could google it.)

But suddenly an adulterer, traitor, betrayer becomes the victim in the shadow of a guy whose error was offering to sell his story to the wrong entity. He went to the guy who was likely MOST motivated to protect himself from the consequences of his actions, rather than some check-stand weekly gossip magazine that would have purchased the story, albiet for less, but paid well for the secrets. No crime, no harm, no foul, no extortion no jail.

All the while, as only the media can do, (because we purchase, listen and buy into it) his potential partner in the secret keeping, is in jail and Letterman, poor Letterman, must admit his folies to the public. A public, I might add that will, no doubt, still tune in.

There must have been quite a meeting behind closed doors with his publicists and law enforcement. The success of the plot, to pull the wool over our eyes, has become apparent. He gets to make the announcement on his "familiar, comfortable, I'm still Letterman" set, and admit the truth.

Not because he was a broken, sorry, accept responsibility kind of guy, but because he knew it was going to be made public anyway, so I'm guessing Davey got scared and made a deal. "I'll cooperate, but I decide how and when this goes public, and I still get to be the King."

He looks victimized, and the bully is behind bars. Whew, that was close.
I'm sorry, except that I'm not at all sorry, but this whole deal begs a few questions.

What if the guy had asked for $200,000 or $20,000 instead of $2,000,000? I mean I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that it was not his moral highground that made him say "No" and call the authorities, but probably, the price. I'm going to guess maybe arrogance and anger that someone else, at least for a moment, was going to call the shots on his reputation.

So I wonder, what is it worth to him to protect his wife & son from the shame and betrayal of his actions? I'm not saying it would have, but if ripping your clothes off with another woman, will ultimately rip your wife's heart out, at least look like you are trying to protect them, no matter what the cost.

We already know he doesn't think she's worth his self control, or denying himself the pleasure of another woman, she isn't worth that much to him.
I'm wondering if he considered a meeting with a marriage counselor about the coming damage to his family or if his strategic powwows were limited to his professional life and reputation.
Don't even think about giving him the benefit of the doubt.
She was his faithful live-in for 20 years before he decided she was worth a legal commitment...but I guess not quite worth the whole "keeping only unto you" marital commitment.

The wrong guy's in jail. That's all I'm saying. Who exactly was damaged or devastated by the contract to keep the secret? Weigh that against the damage and devastation of a family because of a broken marriage promise. And if we think its just another example of celebrity lifestyle and doesn't effect the everyday guy...PLEASE we are so bombarded with this stuff it has become the norm and the culture just keeps swirling the toilet bowl.

The king at our house even asked the other day if the new fall line up was all based on sex. Yep, different settings, different names, same story. I'm thinking about unplugging the magical box of entertainment just so we doesn't get desensitized!

So Letterman will live on, I doubt sponsors will pull out, I am hoping some staffer/harrem types do. He'll suffer no public embarrassment thanks to the guy wanting to sell the rights to the secret who now sits in the dungeon. The King's publicist should get a raise, for this expert manuever and protection of the Kingdom.

But in the King's private quarters, does the Queen still delight in his company? Visit him of her own accord, build him up to the prince? The king may just find that though he thought $2,000,000 was too high a price for his behavior...what he has lost in the eyes and hearts of his family cannot be bought back, at any price. I pray they matter to him that much, if only in retrospect.