Saturday, March 20, 2010

Ruptured peace, unsettled heart.

"Girls, I want you to know something. And, I want you to know it in your heart of hearts! I want you to know it so completely, that you automatically turn to this truth each time your peace is ruptured or you become unsettled. I want you to grasp it when you become distracted by the stresses of daily living...THERE'S POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

His name is above every other name. His is the highest name, the most wonderful name in all of Heaven and earth. When you breathe His name through faith, you can stand victoriously in the midst of any circumstance that challenges your peace and your sanity."
copied from a post by Cyndi Wood at a blog called all access because my peace is ruptured and I have become unsettled.

Unsettled because Dot is not going to come along on the trip we had planned to take TOGETHER to Africa.

Unsettled because I am visual and so all my visions of travelling and airports and hotel beds with mosquito nets and skype attempts and wearing long skirts and teaching and translators and discussion groups and hugging women and a long drive to visit our sponsored daughter, Ruth and laying in the dark at the end of each day talking about how we had seen the Lord working that day or praying together, calling on Him to reach out to the village of Kakira...well, that was what I thought was going to happen. There are few on this earth that understand the tenderness we share for our Jesus. And I thought we'd now share Uganda. So I am unsettled and my peace is treatening to rupture.

But...God had other plans. He knew when we both agreed and surrendered to this trip, that only one of us would really be going. He knew what would transpire, how it would come about and that I would go alone, because he sees the beginning, the end, and the inbetween of all things.

Because I love Him so, and he has proven himself over and over again in my life, I know this is the better plan. It doesn't feel better, but this is not the first time what I know and what I feel are in conflict.

The thing is, she wanted to go so badly and suffers the loss right a long with me, only not with me. Answering "yes" in obediance has come first even before understanding, when she hears God's call to go or to stay.

I love to share a thing or two or 50 with another. I love to have a witness to my rendition of an adventurous account. My mind and heart see things in what some might say, from a slightly "over-dramatic" perspective and there's just a bit more credibility if Dot could nod along with my retelling. Otherwise, I don't get the "unbelievable, but true!" confirmation, just the "unbelievable" response.

But, I also know that in the book of Hosea, God leads us into the desert to speak tenderly to us there. He allows us solitude so that we can hear Him better. So off to Uganda, our team, one servant short from my view...perfectly put together from God's. So as my heart processes from unsettled to settled and my peace, from ruptured to repaired...I will count it all joy...gear up for the endurance this walk alone will take and trust Him for the dramatic result.

Just promise you will nod at the truth, believable or not.

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